Charlottesville AIDS Walk

April 21st was a glorious warm day with sun and blue skies to spare. The CART team and assorted friends met at the Westminster Presbyterian church for the annual AIDS walk, this year scheduled on the same day as the Charlottesville marathon and half marathon. Due to these races, many streets leading to the church were blocked and all of us had to find creative ways to meander around the university and corner neighborhoods to reach Gordon St. and the back lot of the church. ASG did a terrific job of organizing the walk and after a few refreshments, we were ready to go.

We walked the 5K route which went down Rugby Road, up University Avenue to downtown, then back down Preston Avenue. The volunteers from UVA set a fast pace and by the halfway mark we were sparkling and having a great time. Somehow, Kathy Baker managed to appear at multiple stops along the route without seeming to have worked up a sweat! On the last mile, we watched as the marathoners were finishing and they looked great considering! Downtown we passed several bands and radio stations and a nice sized crowd to cheer the runners.

I was really glad to be a part of this event and that our team joined our friends and colleagues to raise money for a great cause. See you out there next year!

Rainy weekend in April

       Friday night the temperature was dropping but I had new modern bookshelves from Under the Roof delivered, so I was happy.  I amused myself by rearranging my living room (currently used as the indoor ball field by the boys due to its dearth of furniture) and was happy to get up Saturday morning and see the room beginning to develop an identity— other than playroom.

Saturday morning was cold and rainy.  Surely the soccer games would be cancelled, but no, multiple checks on the SOCA website revealed that both games were on.   Don took Jamie to his game way up at the South Fork fields, and Tristan and I watched part of Jamie’s game before careening back to Henley in Western Albemarle for his game. 

Just as we got there, the heavens opened up and what was a cold mist became sheets of hard rain for about 20 minutes.  Tristan had dressed only in his normal uniform (t shirt, shorts, socks, shin guards, and cleats) without sweat pants or another shirt underneath.  I’d grabbed his old raincoat, a blue one, at the last minute, so he had something blue to match his uniform even if it’s now 3 inches too small and the sleeves ended just under his elbows! 

While I huddled under an umbrella, freezing despite my tshirt, sweatshirt, jacket, and heavyweight jeans, Tristan gamely trotted onto the field and within a few minutes had received a pass from his teammate, dribbled it into position, and drilled it in for a goal.   Unfortunately, his goal was not enough to keep the team from going down 6-8 ultimately.  

When Jamie arrived to Tristan’s game, he was cold, shivering, blue-lipped, and angry because once again, his team lost, this time 1-5.   Until today’s game, his goal in game 2 had been the ONLY score of his team all season.  Today, the coach’s son scored, but again, they were outscored.   Both of the boys are taking their losses very seriously.   It would be foreign to me that such things could ruin one’s day if I hadn’t known grown men whose teams’ losses cause the same reaction.   (And that’s for games they aren’t even playing!)   Testosterone at work, and not in the good way.   

After Tristan’s game, I got them home, made them peel off wet and muddy layers in the garage, and hustled them up for warm baths.   After that, we had a number of errands to run with the hopes of staying in to huddle by the fire with  a good movie or a good book on Sunday.  We made 6 stops, only 2 successful, but the boys cooperated and were in good spirits. 

By far the most botched stop was due to fatigue that left me unable to fend off their requests for IHOP.   When I was in college, the IHOP near LSU was truly an international experience and one best savored after a long night drinking, but only after the better food options like George’s were closed.   I don’t know if the chain has truly declined, if my collegiate memories were favorably influenced by inebriation,  or whether my luck in recent years has been particularly bad.  I went once to the one in Richmond (again, collapsing under the collected weight of the boys’ begging) and it was such bad service and deliberately flavorless food that I saw no reason to return, ever.  But hey, I thought, maybe the one in Cville is different. 

I should have guessed the outcome when we walked in to be greeted by the cashier talking so loudly on the phone about her personal business that I was embarrassed for her, while neglecting to wait on a lengthening queue of oldsters and Wal-Mart denizens as their patience wore thin.  Apparently the cashiers’ family members have had a string of bad luck with the police, the judges, and various malcontented exes, and this woman was the repository and raconteur of all familial tales of woe, each story casting her kin in the role of victim of circumstance, corruption, or infidelity.  Finally a “hostess” sat us at a table that was ample but near a cold and drafty window, a fact I didn’t notice until I was already cold a half hour into the experience.  I didn’t have on a watch, so I might be exaggerating when I say it took 40 minutes for the food to come, but I’m not embellishing by suggesting that once again, IHOP exceeded its past accomplishments in mediocrity in terms of “food”. 

The waiter didn’t help by explaining after we’d already been waiting too long that one of the cooks had been arrested and the other had car trouble, so why would I expect to receive our food in a timely manner.  Of course that didn’t explain his lack of attention generally…. anyway, this time I won’t be back.  The boys ruefully commented later that they finally agree with Mommie that family and local restaurants are the only ones we want to visit. 

I have 3 azaleas and a large crepe myrtle awaiting planting, but the ground has to dry out and it has to be over 50 degrees before I’m willing to do yard work!   Instead, I’ve been watching BBC TV and made a big pot of shrimp, andouille, and oyster gumbo, and herding the boys and their friends into limited spaces for playing.  The rain will supposedly let up soon…..

The weather

Moods, feelings, and sensations are like the weather.  You can check the weather, notice it, and adapt–put on a coat, or peel off some layers.  If you’re wise, you pay attention, at least a little, but you don’t define yourself by the weather.  

When a child is ill with the flu, the good mother soothes, and takes this as a sign to slow everything down.  With fluids and rest, the symptoms will abate.  The child may fussily fight rest, but the mother soothes the child and lulls him into comfort.     Like illness, emotions are experienced physically.  They tell us to pay attention, and maybe slow things down just enough to notice….something….a little more.  It requires experience, not thought, to begin to understand.   It requires slowing down to get to deeper meaning.

Feelings, moods, and sensations are not inherently problematic, nor is the weather.   Therefore they don’t need a solution.  Maybe they just need a bit of attention.  The solution became the problem for me, just as Paul Watzlawick described in his elegant treatise on change.  Feelings were not the problem–my belief that I needed to manage them to survive was a real problem.  The solution I tried was to rely on my cognitive abilities to contain, change, or categorize my experiences.   I defined myself as this or that, and then tried to live up to those definitions.  I became less sensitive and less flexible.   None of this worked too well.  I experienced increasing strain yet saw this as another thing to be managed.  Therefore I failed to pay enough attention.  After all, if a strategy isn’t working, do it MORE!

It’s humorous to me now to recall the many times I found myself freezing or broiling because I’d ignored the thermometer, insisting on going coatless because it was April, or on wearing wool in December.   Paying attention to the weather has been a learning curve for me.  So too with tolerating, accepting, and eventually embracing the lovely unpredictability and unknowableness of most of life.  And that includes emotions, even the unpleasant ones.

Dinner at Duner’s

Tonight a group of us took a fantastic job candidate out for dinner at Duner’s, a venerable Ivy restaurant where I last dined about 15 years ago.  It was a memorable meal then and judging by tonight’s menu, the chef is continuing to focus on fresh local ingredients in unusual combinations.  

It was a fun group–me, Nassima, Sherry, Ed, Posy, Kim, Wendy, and Stephanie–8 might be just the right number for this kind of evening.  We started with a Willamette Valley Pinor Noir and appetizers–several had an amazing onion/chevre tart, and the mussels served to others were perfectly prepared and brimming over their large bowls.  I tried a chevre-stuffed potato cake with leeks and a pesto sauce, and while it was tasty, it was too rich for an appetizer with an unfortunate hushpuppy coating.  

Dinner for me was a crabcake entree that couldn’t live up to Jimmy Sneed’s Frog and Redneck crabcake, the best ever, but that was still quite tasty.  The vegetarian shells came in a creamy tomato sauce, the calf liver with potatoes was perfectly prepared according to its taster, but excessively generous, and the rockfish was crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.  I couldn’t see what the other end of the table got! 

After more wine, we dared to order a few desserts, and it turns out that there is a heaven on Earth–lemon sour cream cheesecake with mint and berry coulis—might have been the best, lightest, and tastiest cheesecake or lemon dessert ever.  Or maybe I’m still tipsy from the wine and the good company! 

Ed and I might start a Wine and Whine evening soon–he knows Napa and the South of the world, and I know Oregon Pinot Noir and French Burgundy, so it could be the start of many great flights!

Sean’s Starr Hill gig

So Starr Hill turns out to be an elevated version of the Satellite Ballroom–similar ambience, but with fewer drunk twentysomethings spilling into the alley for a smoke or a fight because, well, it’s upstairs.  

First on the bill was  British indie singer and guitarist Kamila Thompson, whose personality won me over, even though I was prepared to be bored stiff by a girl in a Little House on the Prairie flowery dress sitting alone at the microphone.  Instead, her lyrics were witty and biting and she bashes men tunefully and really bangs on that acoustic guitar.  I couldn’t help wishing she had a Stratocaster, bass player, and drummer, and her songs would be great if they were both raw and amped.  But she was a pleasant surprise–maybe she’ll get a bit more punk when she has more musicians to support her. 

Next came Women and Children,  and what an apt name for this band.  This is slit-your-throat music, and not in the good way.  The keyboard player was an excessively sincere moon-eyed woman whose singing moved from thin soprano to off-key wailing on several boring repetitive songs.  These sounded like songs she composed when she was 12 and hadn’t grasped how songs should be structured.  The two male singers were slightly better.  The guitarist hunched over the mic with his hair covering his face and sang with distortion the whole time.  Hey, that can be effective for a song or a piece of a song, but in the end, I was wondering if he could actually sing or not.  The bass player sang on one song which was the only thing that approached pop.  Although this band claims to be from California on their myspace page, they’re clearly Scandinavian dirge group wannabes and I was eager for them to get off the stage.

Sean Lennon really surprised me.  I hadn’t heard his record before the show, so I truly went just for curiousity, and hey, to get out of the damn house and dress up in my tall black boots.    When his father was killed I thought over and over about this boy who had been the subject of my favorite Double Fantasy song, and what his life would be like going forward.  Here he is, a quarter century later, a grown man, covered in hair, wearing BIG round glasses (think of a smash-up of John Lennon’s simple spectacles and Elton John’s wild ones), dark hair like his Mom’s, but probably favoring his father more.  He cracked me up by wearing a purple velvet suit but with a button down preppy blue shirt and skinny 80’s tie and the effect overall was funny and appealing.   Some aspect of him reminded me of James McMurtry, another son of a more famous, accomplished father, but they don’t resemble each other musically at all–it’s more in their carriage. 

Sean plays with a keyboardist, Yuka Honda of Cibo Matto, and two guys whose names I couldn’t catch, except that one was introduced as “THE MOST HANDSOME MAN IN SHOW BUSINESS” which of course he wasn’t, but there were lots of these inside jokes between songs and you could tell the band was having fun together.  There was also a spirited group right in front who are apparently part of Sean’s bulletin board group and they were trading comment-based jokes back and forth with him all evening.  He’s got charisma, but it’s subtle.  

So does he have talent?   Is genetics the king here?  Well, yes and no. 

On the yes side, he has talent.  He can play, he can sing, and his songwriting is strong.   The band created a big sound and the songs were angry, truth-telling, sometimes wistful, and sometimes affecting.  Apparently his new album chronicles his rage over a girlfriend leaving him for his best friend, who then was killed in a motorcycle accident just as Sean was trying to deal with his friend’s betrayal of him.  So there are titles like “Dead Meat” and “Friendly Fire” and the songs are actually good.  I had the sense that this guy really has something, or at least he’s able to turn this life trauma into art with obvious craft and skill.   Some of the songs were a little too painful for me at this time in my life but I could still appreciate the craftsmanship behind them. 

On the no side, Sean has his own sound–he is not copying his famous parents, but then, they were both originals too, so maybe that does go to genetics—to be an independent thinker?   Surely experience has played a role for him in this too. 

Summing up, I liked Sean and his band way more than I expected, and it was great to get out despite the frigid weather (yesterday morning in Crozet I had snow on the ground!!!!).

Oh, and Starr Hill, PLEASE get some better bourbon choices soon!   I know you’re connected to the brewery and all, but Jack and Coke was the best I could get! 

Music in Charlottesville

I’m excited to be going to hear some live music tonight at Starr Hill.    Sean Lennon is playing tonight. 

I was already convinced of the power of genetics way back when Julian’s record came out.  

Thank you, Costco

 Most of you know what a fan I am of Costco.  This lovely meal is just one of the results of shopping there–high quality, fresh, comparatively inexpensive ingredients you can easily whip into a quality dining experience.  This rare sesame-ginger ahi tuna on a bed of field greens cost me about $4 and made a perfect lunch today.   It’s easy. 

Bring a skillet to high, add a TBSP or so each of butter and olive oil, swirl, add a drop of vanilla, and let it bubble but not brown.  Then drop a 4 oz. piece of ahi tuna that’s been seasoned with sea salt, course ground pepper, a pinch of lemongrass, and a pinch of Chinese 5 spice onto the oil mixture.  Watch carefully–cook about 1-2 minutes per side until still red in the center.   Remove the tuna from the pan, then add a few drops of soy, freshly grated ginger, and sesame seeds to the butter/oilvanilla mix, along with a drizzle of honey.  Swirl that just til heated, then pour over freshly washed and crisped field greens and tuna. 

Enjoy!

Ski Trip, 2007

You may have heard me complain about the attempted western ski trip the kids and I took. 

It was probably the most expensive, least skiing ski trip ever.  It started with my illness, seeming like a severe cold, about a week before the trip.  Then we had to fly, and that’s never great with a cold.   The first day, the boys were fine and went to ski school, then the blizzard set in and closed the lifts early, so we didn’t get to ski together in the afternoon.  But starting on day 2, we were trading illness, and at least one of us was sick the next 3 days.  

Interesting highlights were Jamie’s projectile vomiting from the ski lift onto the terrain park, and Tristan’s miraculous recovery from a collision with an out-of-control Pakistani who was only saved from me slugging him in the mouth by the propitious arrival of the ski patroller who took over for me in yelling at the guy.  

Life lessons:  make sure the condo has a pool and hot tub and HBO for daytime movies (that was our saving grace!), bring at least one extra adult so that if one goes down, it’s not all for one and one for all, and don’t prepay for everything 5 months before because you may not get to use those “discounted” lift passes.  Also, never rent a Jeep Liberty because if you can’t get the power windows to work and it’s snowing and 5 degrees, you may regret it! 

Work Projects

Two of my studies are up and recruiting participants.  CART (Cocaine and Adherence Readiness Treatment) is funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, and compares a motivational interviewing plus CBT counseling condition to a video information condition with targets of reducing cocaine use and increasing medication adherence for patients with HIV.   Last week I presented our preliminary data at the International Conference on HIV Treatment Adherence in New Jersey.  Next week we are hosting an open house at our clinic offices for referral sources and those in the community who also work with people with HIV.   Later in April, we are participating as a team in the Charlottesville AIDS Walk.    Soon, we will be deciding where to take this line of research next– change the intervention, consider the technology-based methods to deliver it, or adapt it for other populations, like those using meth and alcohol. 

The other study, EARLY, is funded by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism and is an offshoot of our successful completed CDC-funded projects Balance and CHOICES.  EARLY is also recruiting participants, especially now that the Charlottesville Planned Parenthood office is collaborating with us.  In that study, we are identifying community women at risk for an alcohol exposed pregnancy (AEP), and testing 3 brief conditions: assessment plus information, assessment plus motivational video, and assessment, video, and motivational interviewing counseling, all one session, for their efficacy in reducing drinking and improving contraception.   

We hope to help women change their behaviors BEFORE becoming pregnant; most other Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder prevention studies have focused on helping pregnant women stop drinking, but by then the fetus may have already suffered.  We also hope to identify one or more BRIEF interventions that work, and could be transferred to community settings easily. 

The last grant-funded project I’m working on currently is a study of how and why Motivational Interviewing works.  This is a mechanisms of action study, in which we will seek to identify not if the intervention worked, but through what mechanism.  This project was funded by NIAAA, and I am working with colleagues from 4 universities to use the outcomes data we had from Project CHOICES, an AEP risk reduction study, and to compare those findings to newly coded ratings of interactions in the treatment sessions. 

Our study team across all 3 projects is shown above and includes Posy, Mike, Theresa, Stefania, Sherry, Kim, Amy (with Mike) and Mary and Chris. The group photo is Amy, Theresa, Mike, me, and Sherry in front of the “Emerging Technologies One” building where the CARE center is housed.  I’ll add photos of our missing group members soon!

Lastly, my colleagues and I at UVA are awaiting feedback from NIAAA and the scientific review panel about our proposed P20 Center on Alcohol Use in Emerging Adults. 

While these projects take lots of time to implement and manage, scholarly writing is a top priority for me as I prepare for a tenure application.  I am in the process of co-writing a book on Motivational Interviewing in Groups with my friend and colleague Chris and am working on several manuscripts for scholarly journals from completed and ongoing studies.

I’m doing a bit of teaching and training.  I’ve recently completed several MI training events in Nevada, Alabama, and Montana, and a series for our inpatient unit staff, including nurses, recreational therapists, and others, on motivating patient behavior change.  Each semester, I present a short series of lectures on Addiction Treatment for our residency program.   I’ll soon be teaching a series on research methods for the child residency and fellowship program which will be a bit different because it’s a new prep. 

In July, I’ll be a presenter at the Virginia Summer Institute on Addiction Studies, in Williamsburg, as well as at the Research Society on Alcoholism in Chicago.  In September, I’ll be travelling to Sofia, Bulgaria to present a training of trainers in Motivational Interviewing on behalf of the MINT.   

Does anyone really need another weblog?

Maybe not, but I’m hoping to jumpstart my writing and get back into the habit of daily composition, both creative and scholarly. 

 So what’s Lagniappe? 

Southern Louisiana speak for “a little something extra.” 

I’m hoping to get that, and maybe give that, through a constructivist process. 

 And a big Happy Birthday goes out to my Mom today!