We’re all gonna die

Last Sunday before I got on a plane, i did one of my short distance runs. This time I ran through the Rock Gate cemetery in Crozet. It was a cool and spectacular day with an azure sky and just the right amount of clouds. The leaves were turning but not peaking yet. The season is late due to the drought and the long mild summer. Running towards the cemetery, I felt gloomy and worried. I’d slit my toe open stepping on some glass so running was hurting and I was laboring more than I liked, feeling slow in so many ways. Maybe I was feeling old, or just lonely and tired. When I turned into the cemetery it didn’t seem respectful to run, so I slowed to a walk and turned down the music and looked at the grave markers. Whole families were there, and multiple generations. I don’t know how old the cemetery is but nobody seemed to have been there for more than 100 years. I saw all the familiy names, and some tragically short lives described on the stones. I realized again how short our lives are. I sometimes get tangled up by that and want everything to happen now. It’s often hard for me to accept the unfolding nature of life, especially if it’s mine, and it’s not unfolding how I hope. But walking through there, and knowing I’d be travelling later, centered me. I know I’m gonna die. My loved ones are doomed too. Yet I emerged more committed to loving them despite all that, and to letting myself unfold more than is comfortable and natural to me…..and that calm and commitment lasted for more than 24 hours at a stretch this time. I’ll get better at it.